Homo cruorem
by RebelVampire666
Summary: What if Bella never wanted to be a vegetarian? What will her family think, what will Edward think? what will the pack think? And how will this affect her daughter? Title means human blood or bloodshed, referring to Bella's lifestyle choice.
1. Awakening

**A/N This was an idea that i had when i was thinking about how the Twilight series would have gone if I were the heroin. If at any point you think "people don't really talk like that or write like that etc. well, I do. If you don't like it, don't read it. Enjoy =)**

**Disclaimer: As it stands, I do not own Twilight**

For a moment the lack of pain was all i could comprehend, then realization dawned on me. I was a vampire.

I opened my eyes an the first thing I saw was the light above my head. I knew that it was bright, that I should have been blinded, but i could still see the filaments with more clarity than i had ever seen anything before. I could see the white light as the entire light spectrum, including ultra violet and infra red. I felt a hand on mine and I looked over to see my husbands face, the face i had known better than even my own. The face that I had stared at for many hours, and imagined many more. If I had been sure of one thing it was the flawlessness of Edwards face.

I may as well have been blind.

It was as if a thick veil had been lifted from my eyes; now I could truly see him. His face was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen, beyond my wildest imaginings.

"Bella, love, are you alright?" His voice was laced with anxiety but still it was reminiscent of a beautiful instrument, more profound than any created by man. I thought about his question, why would I not be alright? My mind spun back to my last human hour And I started to panic, where was my daughter, why wasn't she here?

"Edward..." I paused, momentarily preoccupied the way it rang subtly, even a human would have noticed how different from my old voice it sounded. Mmm, human...No, i had more important things to deal with, my thirst could wait a few minutes. I continued, "where is Renesmee, I want to see my daughter." hm, daughter. I had never used that word before, even when i was pregnant. She had always been my little nudger. It felt odd for her to be outside of my body. I tried to picture her, but I couldn't quite recall her face. I remembered that she had been beautiful, more beautiful than her father. Impossible, but true. But still, i could not remember her, it made her seem like a dream, unreal. Nothing was real until i confirmed it with my new eyes.

Edward was hesitant to answer me I couldn't understand why he looked...anxious, i suppose, Concerned. Finally he said, "Uhm, Bella..Renesmee, well, she has a heartbeat, a pulse." So? I waited for him to continue. "well, you're craving blood right now and she might be too...tempting. She is half human, after all." i laughed, but he was serious. I raised my eyebrows in disbelief.

"Edward" I paused for effect. "she's my daughter"

"Just the same, I would be more comfortable if you hunted. Im sure you must be in pain." Well thanks for bringing the pain to the front of my mind. My throat was burning, a dry scratchy burning that i couldn't ignore. I reached up to try to smother the flames from the outside, and was distracted by the soft smoothness of the skin of my throat, it felt strange. I realized that arguing was pointless, the sooner i gave up and hunted, the sooner to end the pain and see my daughter

"fine, ill hunt. Where were you thinking? Cuz i was thinkin' we could find an alley in port Angeles or Seattle of somethin' and we could get some cut-throats that frequent those places, or whatever, you're the one with experience. What?" He was taring at me and i could tell without looking that everyone else was too. I suddenly remembered that they were "vegetarians", only feeding off animals. I stepped back-weird, i didn't remember getting up-and looked around. I had never told anyone that I had no intention of becoming a vegetarian. Well, no time like the present.

"Uhm, yeah i guess i never told you guys. Heh, well i don't really have an interest in animal blood, never did. In fact a main reason that i wanted to be a vampire is so i could drink delicious blood from warm human bodies. I actually came here because my cheating ex told me about you guys and he didn't turn me into a vampire so i thought you guys could help me, but then i fell in love with Edward and things got out of hand and i lost sight of my goal and this is quickly becoming a run along sentence and, well, the rest is history. Uhm, no hard feelings?" other than a hiss from Edward at the mention of my ex, no one moved or spoke. I bolted.

I was panicking, it was irrational and i knew it, but i couldn't stop until i reached my old house, and grabbed my diary from my bedside table and ran into the woods with it. I sat on a fallen tree and read what i had written in what seemed like an different lifetime altogether, the time before i lived in forks.


	2. Diary entries

**A/N: I am so sorry! I know it's been over four months scince I published and to anyone who has been waiting for me to update i give you my eternal gratitude for not gining up on me. I've been busy scince shcool started and ive been working on other fanfics and i lost my notebook and when i found it i started typing this chapeter out on a computer which i didn't see again for almost a month and then i started another fanfic and...you don't care, long story short im sorry and i will try to avoid it happening again.**

Sept. 8 (age:14)

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day of school. It was great cuz I met Jake, he's sixteen and a total hottie. He just moved here from out of state and all the girls, myself included, and some guys are totally infatuated. Basically all the other guys are bullying him because of his skin. It's not a race issue tho, his skin literally sparkles in direct sunlight-so basically all the time. Ya, its like he's made of some white crystal, he's pale enough.

We had gym together and he looked really bored and inexplicably frustrated. I was feeling particularly brave so I decided to talk to him after class. Our conversation went something like this:

(me):hey

(him):hi

(me):so...how's Arizona so far?

(him): bright, and hot, and dry

(me):ya, uhm, you like any of the girls here?

(him):a few. I should change. *walks away*

(me):oh, uh, ya...bye. *face palm*****

I had meant to ask why he, a sixteen year old, was in grade nine. Oh well.

Oct.18(age:15)

Dear Diary,

I can not believe I did that! I actually asked Jake to the grade 9 and 10 Halloween dance! The weirdest part, tho, is not that i asked. It's what he said in response to my asking. "Lemme get back to you on that one. Ask again tomorrow." Well, I guess I'l see.

Oct.19

Dear Diary,

_He said yes! _I'm going to the dance with Jake! I have to buy a dress, nothing i own will do. And I need shoes and jewellery...ttfn, off shopping!

Oct. 31 (age:15)

Dear Diary,

I got to slow dance with Jake. I'd probly be more exited about it if it weren't for what happened next. When the song ended he told me he was a vampire. I was confused at first because his costume was two face (from batman), until i realized that he didn't mean for Halloween-he meant for real. Of course I was thrilled. This explained so much-his beauty, his skin, his grace, why he was so bored in gym, the way he always moved a little bit faster than the humans around him, and naturally why I was drawn to him from day one.

I asked if he wanted my blood and he nodded slightly in confirmation with an amused expression on his face. We went outside through the back exit and, when he was sure nobody could see us, he pulled out a pocket knife. He dragged it across my wrist in much the same way I often did, opening a month-old wound, and drank from it. It was conceivably the mos wonderful thing i have ever experienced, no words can describe the feeling of effectively having your life essence syphoned out through your veins. I was a little dizzy afterward but I had never been happier.

**I flipped the pages of my old diary, skipping to a darker time in my life.**

May 9 (age:16)

Dear Diary,

Its been a year, to the day. I haven't seen him in 365 days. I have reverted to my old ways of slitting my wrists. I am feigning that IO am having chills for I must wear sweaters and long sleeved t-shirts to hide the marks going up my arms from my mother and step father.

July 4th (age:16)

Dear Diary,

I am now cutting my thighs and torso, as I can no longer justify long sleeves and pants this time of year. I fear, however, that my mother suspects the truth.

July 22nd (age:16)

Dear Diary,

Every day I cry. It feels as though when Jake left he pulled a cork out of me, and every day until his return my happiness slowly, but with gaining speed, drains out. I am pining.

Aug. 1 (age:16)

Dear diary,

I begin to contemplate suicide.

**I skipped forward again, to the very last entry before I started living in Forks, written on the plane ride.**

Jan. 2 (age:17)

Dear Diary,

I am still in shock. My entire first love was a lie. I can't believe that Jake is an incubus, just using me the whole time. But more than anything i can't believe who told me; His wife! Can you believe it? Of course you can't, you're a piece of paper. She told me that she and him had been married many decades before he came to Arizona. I hated him in that moment, I still hate him, but Lucy, his wife, seemed genuinely concerned so i listened to her. He did this all the time, she told me. She didn't approve but she knew he wouldn't stop. She said that he was dangerous-no shit-and that i had to get far enough away fast enough that it would be too late to be able to trace me when he got back from his "business trip"(as if, he doesn't work) in Florida.

It was then that I made the decision to move in with my dad. Besides my dad living in Forks, Jake had told me that the second largest coven of vampires he had ever heard of lived there. I hope he doesn't remember that if and when he starts looking for me.

I will miss my sunny home in Arizona. I will miss my mother, and my friends. One day i may regret moving to Forks at all, but never will i regret this decision nor any as much as i regret falling foe Jake.


	3. Hunting plans

I sat in the forest staring at nothing, listening for the footfalls that I would inevitably hear soon. I knew that Edward would come looking for me but I was far too stubborn to go back willingly right now. I could only hope he wouldn't be _too_ mad when he got here.

In the meantime I should probably figure out what to tell him to get him to let me hunt humans, that part shouldn't be too difficult; he always gave me what I wanted. The hard part would be convincing him to let me raise Renesmee in that fashion. Of course he would not agree initially, he would likely vehemently disagree, but I needed him to understand-even if I myself did not fully understand why I wanted this. The best I could sum it up was that I needed to have that connection with my daughter, I didn't want us to be separated by anything, and I definitely did not want her to be raised to scorn my way of life; I desperately needed he approval. I pray Edward will understand.

Speak of the Devil.

Edward's face was a mixture of concern and fear as he pulled me form my makeshift bench. I opened my mouth to ask if he was mad but he placed a finger on my lips and said, "Later." I did not argue, I just ran home silently with him, keeping his hand the whole way there.

When we were back at the house, sitting on his-our-bed I decided now was as good a time as any. I began hesitantly, "uhm, you're not mad…are you?"

"Mad," he asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion, "what ever would I be mad about, love?"

Thank god. I couldn't stand it when he was mad, and that would make it much easier for me to sway him. "I dunno, just thought you might be."

"No, I'm not."

"Kool. Now, about my, er, diet," I began, looking down at our entwined hands, noting when his tightened almost imperceptibly with his tension. "Well, no, that decision has been made. But I have to know, does this mean we can't be together? Cuz I was thinking that I could, like, watch you hunt n stuff, and vice versa-if you want. Like, you could watch me hunt-or not, whatever you prefer. But if you do it would it would make me feel a lot better about myself, and I could be more sure of your love."

"My love?" he asked, as though he didn't know what I was even referring to. My worry increased tenfold.

"Uhm, yeah. And that too, I mean, you can still love me, right. Nothing else matters if you don't, but please please tell me you do. I don't have a problem with you being a vegetarian, it's your choice and I respect that. I realise it may seem slightly different to you but it really isn't. I can overlook your being in a constant state of denial and being unnatural, surely you can overlook the slight issue of my being, in your eyes, a sinister, compassionless monster, at least I hope you can." Here I unleashed my puppy-dog eyes on him, knowing he could not resist the heartbreaking expression.

"of course I can Bella, I love you. More than anything. My only question is that regarding our daughter, how is she to be brought up?" I wasn't quite ready to negotiate that one-I had to think of some strategy to get him to let me have my way. Besides, now that she was in my mind she seemed to fill it up-seeing her was all I could think about. Every second we were apart made her seem more like a dream, less real, her memory slipping ever farther away from me.

"Later. Please, Edward, I have to see her."

"You must be patient, love. You are brand new and you have not hunted yet, I would feel much better if you did. I know how painful it can be." Well great-now all I could think about was the pain. I knew it would be unsafe to hunt in any kind of a pubic place, that is, within 100 miles of any populated area. Luckily I had given this some thought.

"Okay, fine, I'll hunt. So here's my idea: we-or I, I guess-could wait a bit into the woods, of the trail, until a human or two comes along and then I could just, y'know. God I am so smart, right. Ya, I'm right."

"But don't you think people would find it strange for people to disappear at the opening of a path? And what if someone happened to drive by at just exactly the wrong time and saw you?" He wasn't getting it.

"Well, duh. The path has a blind turn about half a mile up. Just after that point is where I would wait, a few yards into the woods until my meal came along, unsuspecting, and then Bang. Simple." I made an extravagant hand gesture that implied "Tada" and once again awaited due praise.

"And when the humans find the bodies, what do you suppose they'll think?"

"You are so hard to please! I'll just tear them up to make it look like an animal attack, happy?"

"I guess." Always so stubborn. "Now about Renesmee…"

"No no no, first I hunt. You coming?"

"Of course, love," he said, and then he kissed me.


End file.
